A fun game for children and adults alike, a scavenger hunt can have many different themes

How to play

1. Divide the children into teams of three to four children each.
2. Give each team a list (all the lists are the same), and tell the teams where they can go to find the objects.
3. Create whatever boundaries are necessary for safety. Each team is allocated a separate territory.
4. Give the children a time limit (15-30 minutes depending on the space and age), and make sure one member of each team has a watch or will be in charge of asking the time.
5. Assign an adult to each team if needed.
6. The team that finds the most items on the list in the allotted time wins.

When making up the lists, include things the children stand a good chance of finding. For a neighbourhood-based game, some suggestions are a stamp, a biscuit, a straw, a rubber band, or a week-old newspaper. For a rural area or a park, some suggestions are a pinecone, a worm, a beetle, a white stone, something red, a feather.

Variations: Change the name of the game to suit the theme of the party: for example, a Leaf Scavenger Hunt for an Autumn party and so on.
Note: Please have an adult travel with each group if they will be going to neighbours’ homes.

Planning a party can be a nightmare for a busy mum. Take the stress out and put the fun in, with our fabulous birthday party planner. Get fun ideas for invitations, games, birthday cakes, decorations, party bags and more

getting started

• The essential birthday party checklist
• Party bag tips

party themes

• Baby’s first birthday
• Toddler bubble party
• Bugs are beautiful party
• Circus extravaganza
• Everyone’s a superhero
• Young teens party
• The ultimate pizza party

great games

• Pin the tail on the donkey
• Red light green light
• Blind man’s bluff
• Scavenger hunt
• Dodge ball

Party planning checklist for busy mums

Staying organised while you’re planning your child’s birthday party is easy with this sanity-saving checklist

Four weeks before the party…

• Choose a party theme with your child.
• Draw up the guest list. Enlist several adults to help the party run smoothly. For three- to five-year-olds, ideally you’ll need around one adult for every four children, and for six-to ten-year- olds, one adult for every six children.
• Pick the party date and time. Parties are generally one-and-a-half to two-and-a-half hours long.

Three weeks before the party…

• Make or buy the invitations and send them out.
• Make or buy decorations, party bags and prizes.

Two weeks before the party…

• Decide on activities and games to play. Consider the age of the children and plan games and activities accordingly. Plan more games than you expect to use, in case you run out of activities before the party is over.
• Plan your menu. Remember that parties are not a good time to introduce new foods to children. Serve familiar favourites.
• Arrange for extra help on the party day from friends or relatives.

One week before the party…

• Order cake from a bakery if you are not baking your own. Bake cake and freeze it, if making your own.
• Make any other foods that can be made ahead of time and store foods in the freezer.

One to two days before the party…

• Write out a final schedule of activities for the party.
• Buy remaining food for the party. Buy film and have the camcorder at the ready. Check batteries for the cameras.
• Finish decorating the cake, or pick up the cake from the bakery. Make sure you have plenty of candles and matches.
• Decorate any indoor areas (save outdoor decorating for the day of the party).
• Prepare food that can be made ahead of time.

The day of the party

• Prepare foods and drinks that could not be made ahead of time.
• Set up any outdoor decorations and craft areas.
• Plan a nap for your child - and yourself! - after the party.

Remember, young guests will be excited and there are bound to be mishaps. Keep your sense of humour, and even if every aspect of the party doesn’t go as planned, the most important part is to enjoy your child’s big day!

Party bag tips

I’m organising a six-year-old’s birthday party and don’t have the faintest idea of what to put in the party bags. All ideas and ingredients for party bags really appreciated.
swati_rBargain shopping
Most supermarkets have a range of party favours, which are very cheap (under £1). They do packs of stickers, whistles, yo-yo’s, etc. Asda do a pack of four medals on a ribbon for 99p, which are great to use for prizes for games. I got these for my daughter’s fifth birthday and they went down really well.

You could try Poundstretcher for cheap packs of lollies and sweets, as it can work out pretty expensive if you have a lot of kids coming. They also do cheap sets of paper plates and cups in loads of different designs. I got Disney Princess ones for my daughter’s party; I think they were about £1.50 for eight plates or eight cups or party bags - which is cheap compared to other shops. They also do the plain white ones even cheaper if you don’t want to spend too much money. I’ve got three kids and I know how expensive children’s parties can be once you add everything up!
Lorr1976

If you’re planning to have a party every year it might be worthwhile visiting Ikea and buying the brightly coloured kids plastic plates and beakers. They’re sold in six-packs and are only £1. It saves buying expensive themed party accessories every time.
Jojo5679

H&M do lovely girls’ jewellery sets, starting at £1.25 for a pretty necklace and bracelet or diamante bracelet and ring set also for £1.25. They also do little handbags, hair bobbles etc. They’re really good value, and are also excellent for birthday presents.

I have three daughters so I’m a party-pro! For party bags I would recommend tiny tubes of Smarties, mini Mars Bars etc. Balloons go down well, as do whistles or anything that makes a noise! Little toys and games such as cars, dolls, hair slides, soldiers, animals, crayons etc always go down well too. Try Poundstretcher, Asda, Internacionalle, Bargain Bin, Tesco etc.
i_love_ali

If you have a Pound Shop near you, you can get all sorts of little games. We had a party and spent £30 on bits and bobs for a party of 20 children.
vep1

• 2 sheets of 68cm (27in) x 45cm (18in) gold paper
• White glue
• 8 strips of brown craft paper, 7cm (3in) x 45cm (18in)
• Cone formed from cardboard
• 8 lengths - 25cm (10in) - of gold yarn
• 4 sheets of 45cm (18 in) x 23cm (9in) yellow paper
• 4 large paper fasteners
• Wire

Background
The whole neighbourhood will be buzzing about this bee costume. Wear black clothing or leotard and tights beneath this costume.

What to do

1. Cover one side of each sheet of thick cardboard with gold paper. Round off all edges with scissors. Glue the strips of brown paper to the sheets of cardboard.
2. Cover the cone with gold paper and attach it to the bottom of the costume with wire.
3. Punch a hole at each shoulder and on each side. Tie a length of yarn through each hole.
4. Cut four wing shapes from yellow paper at one time. Glue the wings together in pairs.
5. Fold back the flaps and punch two holes in each flap. Punch four holes in the back of the costume where the wings will go.
6. Attach the wings with paper fasteners.

Ban cabin fever with our easy, fast and, best of all, cheap ways to keep babies, tots and pre-schoolers happy…

Entertaining your baby
1. Babies are fascinated by faces. Cut out a large photo of someone’s face from a magazine and stick it in a place where your baby can easily see it, but not grab it. You’ll be surprised by how long this will fixate her.

2. Give your baby a massage. Undress her, lie her on a towel in a warm room and then cover your palms in oil (baby lotion or even olive oil will do). Put on some relaxing music and talk to her softly while you gently massage her arms, legs and torso with circular movements.

3. If it’s a warm day, put a bowel of water on the lawn and let your baby splash her hands in the water. Add bubbles for extra fun! But never leave a baby unattended near water.

4. Have a dance. Put your favourite song on, pick your baby up, and move her arms and legs in time to the music.

5. Give her scrunched-up paper to play with (but not newspaper because of the print) - babies love the rustling noise. A shiny, thermal blanket looks great and makes an even better sound (from camping stores or simplehike.co.uk, £3.99).

6. Do finger painting! If it’s a nice day, strip her down to her nappy and move outside for less mess. Try the ELC for finger-paints or add food colouring to custard. Yum!

7. Put some jelly or cooked spaghetti on your baby’s highchair tray for her to play with! Make sure you’ve covered the floor with plastic sheeting. Try small pieces of cereal to keep your baby busy practising her pincer grip!

8. Fill a small, plastic bottle with rice (put the lid on!). She’ll love the noise it makes when shaken.

9. A baby who can sit up will enjoy making music with a pan and wooden spoon.

10. A garden centre with a pet section is a great place to visit. An older baby will love a trip to look at animals.

11. Young babies love lying under trees so they can watch the leaves moving.

12. Sit her in front of a mirror for a few minutes. She’ll be fascinated by the other baby!

13. Babies who can sit unaided will love putting things in and out of containers. Show her what to do first with a tub of blocks.

 Entertaining your toddler

14. Let your tot help with the washing. Show her how to sort the ‘coloureds’ from the ‘whites’, and then let her stuff them into the machine.

15. Give her water and a brush and let her ‘paint’ the patio.

16. Get out her plastic tea-set and a bowl of soapy water and let her wash up.

17. If it’s a cold day, put some sand from the sand-pit in a washing-up bowl and hide mini treasures. A spoon makes a good-sized spade and a sieve’s fun, too.

18. Make some playdough. Give your toddler biscuit cutters and a rolling-pin and show her how to cut out ‘biscuits’. A garlic press is fun for making squiggly bits. In a pan, mix together 4 cups of flour, 1 cup of salt, 4 cups of water, 4 tbsp of cooking oil and 1/2 cup of cream of tartar. Cook over a low heat until formed and not too sticky. Knead in some food colouring for interest.

19. Wrap up a few of her favourite toys for her to unwrap. Don’t use too much tape or she’ll need your help. See if she can guess what’s inside.

20. Make a photo album together. Find some family shots and a notebook and help your toddler glue the pictures in.

21. Do some magic painting! Draw a simple design on paper with a white candle or crayon. Make up watery paint in a strong colour and let your tot paint the paper to reveal the lovely designs - she’ll be amazed.

22. Play ‘Follow my leader’. Your toddler has to copy everything you do, jump up and down, pat your tummy, sit down, stand up, walk up stairs, put your slippers on your head? The sillier the better! Once she’s got the idea, let her lead you.

23. Trace a toddler using an old roll of lining wallpaper. Get your child to lie on it and trace her outline! Then let her colour or paint it (if you’re feeling brave!).

24. Put on a lively piece of music and play musical bumps. Tell her she has to sit down as quickly as possible when the music stops.

25. Make a letterbox! Cover an old cereal box in red paint or paper. Cut out a slot for letters and make pretend envelopes. Your child can write on the envelopes, stick on pretend stamps and post them.

26. Dig out your old home videos. She’ll love it if there are people she knows - more fun than watching endless Postman Pats!

27. Go to the park. Take a ball or a ride-along toy. You might find other mums to chat to.

28. Make up thick poster paint, then paint your toddler’s hands. Get her to make handprints all over some paper. When they’re dry you can make a special birthday card with them.

29. Slice some potatoes in half and cut a shape into each flat surface. Dip the potatoes into saucers of poster paint and let your toddler use them for printing.

30. Make a collage. Toddlers like sticking things. Use sweet wrappers, scraps of material, foil, cotton wool -anything really!

31. Make jam tarts. Your toddler will love rolling the pastry.

32. Have a dolls’ tea party. Use a picnic rug and real food.

33. Make a mask. Draw a cat’s face on card and cut holes for eyes. Let her colour it, then attach a straw so she can hold it in front of her.

34. Help her to set out that train set, farm or zoo she got from Santa Claus at Christmas and hasn’t played with yet!

35. Paint your toddler’s face. If you don’t have the real thing, use water colours or make-up.

36. Play traffic lights. You’re the policeman and she’s the car. When you shout ‘red’, she has to stop; ‘green’ means go.

37. Plant a tub with flowers.

38. Have an ice cream ‘factory’. Put a scoop of ice cream in a bowl and let her choose a topping from a variety set out.

39. Play buses. Line up chairs impairs and fill the seats with dolls.

40. Make a tent. Just drape a sheet over a couple of chairs.

Entertaining your pre-schooler

41. Go to the library. An unending supply of books - for free!

42. Settle her down with a story tape or CD or pre-record yourself reading her fave books.

43. Make a hat. Cut a strip of card to fit round your tot’s head, then get her to decorate it.

44. Make a birthday card for someone in your family - get your tot to draw her own picture.

45. Construct a rocket by covering a loo roll in foil. Make a cone shape to attach to one end and add orange streamers to the other.

46. Play skittles. Make some building block towers outside on the patio, then roll a ball to try to knock them down.

47. Do some dusting! Kids really love to copy Mum (just mind those expensive knick-knacks!)

48. Go swimming. Lots of leisure centre run special children’s sessions when they have extra equipment such as floats, balls and little watering cans.

49. Make a playdough sweet shop. Use different colours and shapes to make lollies, chocolate bars, candy bars and fruit drops.

50. Be sleeping lions. Your child must lie still for as long as possible!

51. Play musical statues. When the music stops, they must freeze!

52. Ask a friend over. At this age children love to have a companion and are easier to entertain.

53. Make a paper-bag puppet with buttons for eyes and wool hair.

54. Play hide-and-seek but pretend to be a bit short-sighted when it’s your turn to do the seeking!

55. Play hunt the teddy. Take it in turns to hide it in the house.

56. Go on a bus ride. It doesn’t matter where to - it’s the adventure of the journey that counts!

57. Paint designs onto each other’s hand using watercolours.

58. Thread tubes of pasta on to lengths of string to make some pasta jewellery.

59. Play hospitals with dolls. Provide loo-paper bandages and a few plasters, then line up dolls and toys as patients.

60. Make an alphabet scrapbook. Cut out photos from magazines for each letter of the alphabet.

61. Decorate cakes or plain biscuits with icing and little sweets.

62. Peg boards or ‘Hamma’ beads keep little fingers occupied for ages at this age.

63. Make a home-made obstacle course in the living room or garden. Use chairs to crawl under, ropes to jump over, balls to dribble or throw into a bucket ? use your imagination.

64. Ask your child to cover a piece of paper with colour patterns, then help her fold it to make a fan.

65. Cut out a fish shape from a sheet of newspaper, about 30cm (1ft) long. Make a tube out of the rest of the newspaper. Move the fish along by beating the tube behind its tail.

66. Play dressing-up. Old hats, scarves, shoes, beads, shirts and any other cast-offs will do.

67. Make a garden in a seed tray. Fill it with soil and add plant cut-offs and flowers. A small container lined with foil and filled with water makes a pond.

68. Make magic potions! Fill plastic bottles and pots with water, food colouring, bubble bath, glitter, petals and stir. Remind your child that she shouldn’t taste it.

69. Wash the car together.

70. Go on a bug hunt. Look under stones and leaves.

71. Do crayon rubbings. Coins work well, as does bark.

72. Put on some lively music and tidy her bedroom together.

73. Let your child draw with chalk on your patio or drive.

74. Play going to the seaside! Help her find her swimsuit, sun hat, bucket and spade.

75. Put 20 household objects on a tray. Show them to your child for 2 minutes, then hide them. See how many she can remember.

76. Turn the living room into a cinema! Put dolls and teddies on a row of chairs. Take money for tickets, then show a DVD. An interval with a chance to buy a snack is popular!

My daughter will soon be three years old. She seems to have regressed lately. She has become clingy and fearful. How can we discourage this babyish behaviour and help her to be the happy, daring, outgoing big girl she seemed to be growing into a few months ago when she was potty trained and gave up her bottle?

You clearly have a preference for seeing your daughter as more outgoing and daring than she apparently feels like being right now. While controlling her bodily functions was a big step in her development, simultaneously relinquishing her bottle may have made her anxious.When children take a large developmental step, such as becoming potty trained, they often initially need an extra dose of comfort and support. One step at a time is a good policy, and she is still very young.

Giving up the bottle, with which she was able to soothe herself, cuts off a path to comfort at a time when she has challenged herself the most.

Regression is natural and serves to help a child adjust to a new level of development. For example, a four-year-old will temporarily enjoy a bottle for a few weeks when a new baby arrives. Or a child who has just mastered reading will want to return to an earlier mastered activity, such as riding a tricycle.

Your daughter is clearly giving you the message to slow down the push towards being a ‘big girl’.

Have a think about events surrounding this return to ‘babyish’ behaviour. Has anything made her anxious? Has she started nursery school, or have you had a new baby or gone back to work? Even quite small changes in routine can have this effect on a small child.

If you find you place value independence, you are not alone. Our culture is behind you, often at the cost of ignoring essential emotional needs. This emphasis on autonomy also results in anxiety and depressive disorders, which can stem, in part, from early shame and disapproval of our ‘babyish’ needs for help and reassurance. These are needs we never entirely outgrow.

I recommend that you indulge, rather than criticise your child’s needs. She is not being babyish, she is just being two. Allow her to use a bottle if she wants to and even play at being a baby for 10 or 15 minutes each day. Hold her in your lap, rock her and make it into a game she can choose to play if she wants.

All of us love to be cared for, and your daughter is no different. If you give her the opportunity to pretend to be a baby, she will let go when she is ready. You may be amazed at how much a three-year-old can enjoy this game, because you are making room for all of her conflicting feelings.

Remember that she won’t be anything like a baby for much longer now. Enjoy your hugs and cuddles, and don’t try to rush her through her childhood. You might find you miss it when it has passed.

To help your child reach the nappy free zone, you have to steer them through the potty training phase. Coram Family offer guidance.

At the outset, it’s the adults who want to start toilet training. From the perspective of young children, having grown-ups deal with their nappies is a fine system. It’s worked very well so far, so why does mum or dad want to change it? It’s important to realise that children are tackling a tough task, when it comes to controlling their bladder, so give lots of encouragement and have loads of patience.

So when are young children ready to start using a potty?

• Your child needs to recognise what has happened when they wet or fill their nappy. They will often show signs of being uncomfortable or even tell you.
• Don’t expect this to happen before they’re 18 months old. Many children won’t reach this stage until after their second birthday. On average, girls are ready a little earlier than boys, but do go by what your child can manage and understand, not just the age in months. If your child was premature at birth or has suffered from prolonged illness or disability, you will need to wait a bit longer.
• Your child also needs to understand simple requests, so the new idea of ‘Let’s sit you on your pot’ can make sense. Toddlers approaching two can also play simple pretend games, and this shows that they can imagine and think ahead a little.

It’s unwise to rush your child for your own sake. Yes, it would be so useful to have your older one toilet trained before the new baby is born. But if they’re not ready, then your efforts will be pointless, and life could become even more fraught when your baby arrives.

How long will it take?
You do hear tales of the wonder tot who was toilet trained in two days flat, but this is as unusual as the wonder baby who never woke at night. Realistically, it will be a matter of months to make the transition from a child in nappies, to one who gets to the loo without reminders and accidents. But you will have many smaller successes along the way.

How do you do it?

• When it looks as if your child is ready, put a pot in the bathroom and encourage your child to try it out for short periods of time.
• Pots aren’t compulsory. Some children like to sit on the toilet from the beginning. You will need a child seat to set within the ordinary toilet seat, and a safe step for them to get up.
• Encourage your child to sit on the pot, or the toilet, several times a day, but for short periods of time. Avoid any pressure on your child. If your child is lucky and gets something in the pot, then say: ‘Well done, you’ve done a pee’. If not, fair enough.
• If after a week or so, your child still isn’t keen, then stop. You will get nowhere if early toilet training becomes a battle of wills. Leave it for a few weeks, and then try again.
• Decide what you’re going to call these pot productions. Most parents say some version of ‘pee’ and ‘poo’ that young children then use themselves. Just bear in mind that your child will use the family words at top volume. You may use words like ‘going for a crap’ or ‘piss’ in robust adult company, but do you want this broadcast around your local supermarket?
• With practice over the weeks, your child will start to recognise not just that she’s done a pee or poo, but that she is about to do something. She starts to recognise the physical sensations that something is on the way.
• It’s wise to keep your encouragement to warm words and smiles. If it seems a long haul, it can be tempting to reward success with sweets or biscuits but this tactic undermines a balanced diet for your child, and then you have the problem of fading away the sweets later.

When your child is happy to cooperate, and is getting a fair amount into the pot, it’s time to take the risky step of trying your child with ‘big’ boy or girl pants, and no nappy. Have a chat and explain what you’re doing. Perhaps go out together and let your child choose the pants.

Nowadays, parents have the halfway house option of disposable trainer pants. These may be useful if you are going somewhere that will not tolerate accidents, but they are a temporary measure. Your child needs to move into proper pants to be fully toilet trained.

• Once the nappy is off, it’s up to you to remind your child to sit on the pot or toilet at regular intervals. This means about every couple of hours; more often, if you have an enthusiastic drinker.
• For most young children, there is a very short time gap between recognising they want to pee and it being too late.
• Keep your child company and be pleased about successes, without going right over the top.
• Many children find it easier to become toilet trained for bowel movements. They may only want a poo once or twice a day, and some young children become regular about when it happens.
• Do your level best to keep calm about the inevitable accidents. Point out that your child needs to have her pants changed. But avoid any sense that she is dirty or naughty – she’s not, she’s just had an accident.
• Admittedly, summertime toilet training feels more relaxed, especially if you have a garden and nappyless children can run about outside. Young children take time to get the hang of it all, so there will be wet pants and wet floors along the way.

Helping your child to be self-reliant
Potty training can sometimes be a case of one step forward and two steps back, but keep up with the ‘well done’ and gentle reminders, even when your child seems to have completed toilet training. Two, three and four year olds, who are involved in play, may ignore the physical sensations that tell them they should head for the toilet. You also need to become an expert toilet finder when you are out and about. Young children have limited ability to hold on – a bit like pregnant women really.

Once children are reliably toilet trained, you also share some of the responsibility for hygiene. Children need help with wiping their bottom, until they’re three or four years old. Show them how and explain to little girls that they need to wipe from front to back (otherwise they risk vaginal infections such as thrush). Do get them into the important habit of hand washing.

Little boys also need to learn to stand up for a ‘big boy pee’. Wait until your son is tall enough, with the help of a secure step if need be, to position his penis over the toilet. Your son will probably be at least three, and maybe four years old, before this is feasible. He also needs to focus on what he’s doing; keen conversationalists tend to wave it around.

Take your time with your child over the whole process and don’t expect too much; learning to be dry at night, for instance, is a later development for children than daytime control. The pattern is also very individual – see
Dry at night.

Heather Welford’s booklet, ‘The National Childbirth Trust Book of Potty Training’ is available through The NCT, and more useful information, is available from The Enuresis Resource and Information Centre - ERIC: 34 Old School House, Britannia Road, Kingswood, Bristol BS15 8DB, tel: 0117 960 3060.

by Jo Douglas

Small children can be demanding and exhausting. Next minute they’re all sweet and loveable again. Coping with the ups and downs of looking after the under-5s can often leave you feeling confused and guiltyJo Douglas understands how hard it is when small children refuse to eat or sleep. A parent and clinical psychologist, she has been working with families for over 25 years. In Toddler Troubles, she provides effective ideas for handling common problems in family life, like temper tantrums, endless questions, eating and sleeping and coping with brothers and sisters.

Toddler Troubles shows you how to be a sensitive and sensible parent, how best to look after your child, and how best to look after yourself.

 Fantastic book - was a huge help. I think it’s published by John Wiley & Sons,Ltd

We’re wary of child-minders who chain smoke, feel nervous leaving a baby at a noisy nursery, and our mothers are too busy trekking round Nepal. Henrietta Otley considers employing a nanny

I have two children and work freelance, but the daily round trip to the child-minder for the baby, and nursery for the three year old, doesn’t leave me enough time (or energy) to fit much work in during the day. I fantasise about being able to leave the house in the morning, handing over my half-dressed, un-breakfasted children to a punctual, smiling nanny. So when I stumbled across The Nanny Handbook (Karen House and Louise Sheppard – Simon and Schuster £12.99) in my local bookshop, I thought I could at least put my fantasy to the test, and see if this is a realistic childcare option for someone like me. Karen House and Louise Sheppard are management consultants and, between them, they’ve employed ten nannies, so they ought to know what’s what.

What does a nanny cost?

Finance is, rightly, top of the list of things to consider. A recent survey by Nannytax, the nannies’ payroll service, showed that they’re expensive. While it’s absolutely right that whoever looks after your children should be paid a decent wage, you want to make sure your earnings after tax aren’t completely eclipsed by the cost of your childcare. The average salary for a full-time nanny in the Home Counties is nearly £18,000; in London this rises to £22,000 plus perks, which can mean a car or even membership of the local gym. Elsewhere, nannies can expect a salary of around £15,000.

Is it really a nanny you want?

A nanny becomes more cost-effective, the more children you have; but some people just aren’t cut out for employing someone who’s based in their house. My friend Helen, a barrister with two small daughters, has given her nanny notice and is going back to child minders and nurseries, because she can’t cope with someone doing things differently in her home. For reasons she can’t articulate, it’s fine for her children to be elsewhere watching television and eating crisps, but she can’t bear to have them doing it at home. If you suspect you’re a control freak, you must learn to delegate responsibility to your nanny, or you’re going to make everybody’s life miserable.

Nanny shares

Many parents share a nanny very successfully with another family. It’s important to discuss details in depth with the other parents involved, and try to match yourself with people who have a similar approach to bringing up children. Karen House and Louise Sheppard say that, in their experience, this arrangement works best between friends rather than acquaintances.

Live in or live out?

This really depends on what you can afford, the size of your house, and how highly you value your privacy. While a live-in nanny is on site and on hand when you need her, it’s important for her and for you to have a clear understanding about what time is your time, and what time is hers for herself.

Finding a nanny

Think long and hard about the qualities and duties you want a nanny to fulfil. It’s a good idea to make a list. When things go wrong, it’s often because employer and employee have different expectations, and haven’t been clear with each other from the outset. Karen House suggests trying to find someone whose skill set compliments your own; she’s eternally grateful to the nanny who turned her sons into little artists, as she has no creative tendencies whatsoever.

Agencies make the job of finding a nanny easier, but they can be expensive; some charge a small finding fee, and others ask for a percentage of the nanny’s first year’s salary. There are now quite a few websites, some of which are free, where you can advertise for nannies or search a database of candidates. See:
Nanny job or Star nannies
Otherwise, you can advertise in local newspapers or magazines like ‘The Lady’: 020 7379 4717.

Interviewing

Vet applicants over the phone before inviting a select few round for an interview. When they come, try to get them to play with your children so that you can see them in action. Pay attention to your gut feelings about people. The most important thing is to be convinced that your children will be safe with the nanny, that she’ll establish a good relationship with them, and they’ll have fun together.

You must check all references for any nanny you’re thinking of employing

Phone all previous employers and check thoroughly. Karen House unearthed information about nannies who had stolen, flirted with husbands, gossiped about the family and even tormented the children.

Taxing matters

Don’t forget that if you employ a nanny, you’re responsible for paying her tax and national insurance. The paperwork this involves puts some people off, but Karen House and Louise Sheppard estimate that the process takes about 30 minutes every quarter. If you need help, there’s an employers help line for tax and national insurance queries: 0845 714 3143.

Once you’ve found her, how do you keep her?

It seems the key to a happy and enduring nanny-parent relationship is communication. This starts with a clear and realistic contract.

Key points to include in the terms and conditions:

• Job title, place of work, starting date
• Remuneration and any benefits
• Probationary period (usually a month)
• Hours of work
• Holidays (legal minimum is 4 weeks)

Expect the settling in period to be fairly stressful for all parties. Karen House found she had a lot of adjusting to do, when she employed someone else to look after her children at home. Once she came to terms with the notion that it would be better for everyone, if her children loved the nanny as much as they loved her, the household became a happier place. I’ll try and bear that in mind if I manage to find the right nanny and can earn enough money to pay her.

Useful contacts:

• Nanny Payroll Service (for employers) 01536 373111
• Nanny Share Network (for parents and nannies looking for shared childcare in and around London) 020 8516 5948
• Professional Association of Nursery Nurses (for information and advice on any aspects of employing a nanny) 01332 372 337

Halloween treats: How much is too much?

My kids eat so much junk food at Halloween when they’re trick or treating. How can I make sure they have a good time but don’t eat too much sugar?

That’s a difficult question to answer. Halloween is a fun time of year, but you need to prevent your kids from going overboard. Here are a few simple tips to help keep your children on track, from Lyndel Costain, SRD, an independent dietitian based in Birmingham.
Feed them first: Make sure your kids eat a nutritious dinner before trick or treating so they won’t be ravenous while they’re out and when they get home. This will help naturally limit how many sweets they eat. If they’re really excited about the night’s festivities, they may not be in the mood to sit down for a super nutritious meal like fish and broccoli, so think about treating them to one of their favourites instead.
Set guidelines: Decide before trick or treating how many goodies your kids will eat that evening and each day after. Try to make sure your kids consume no more than two sweets or chocolates a day, and check that they are eaten with meals to reduce the risk of tooth decay. Eating sweets with meals will also help regulate your children’s blood sugar, therefore limiting the ‘buzz’ associated with the typical sugar high. Also, if your kids are full after a meal they’ll want fewer sweets than if they are hungry.
Ration the spoils: Limit the number of homes or flats your children visit while trick or treating to cut down on the amount of sweets they get.
Prioritise the loot: After your child goes trick or treating, go through his or her bag of sweets together. Get rid of all the sweets your child doesn’t like, then divide the rest into three piles: foods that will spoil in a few days (fruit, etc.); sugary sweets and chocolate; and a miscellaneous pile for chewing gum, money, etc. Let your child eat the treats that will spoil first, as those are likely to be healthiest, and save the others for later.
Set a precedent: If you know children will be coming around to your house, consider giving them a combination of sweets, dried fruits or mini flapjacks.

Your action checklist from the Daycare Trust
Visit several childcare providers before you decide who will help look after and educate your child.

Here are ten ‘Quality Pointers’ to look for:

are the children relaxed and do they seem to be enjoying themselves?
are the staff listening to the children and are they joining in with the children’s activities?
do the staff seem friendly and proud of their work?
is the building pleasant, clean and welcoming?
is there a fun and safe outside play space?
are different cultures positively represented in the toys, books and wall displays?
do children and staff represent the ethnic and cultural groups that live locally?
are there lots of fun toys and activities for children?
is the area child-centred - with child-sized furniture and with wall displays that children have made themselves?
are you and your child welcomed - by staff and by the children?
Try to visit when there are children around but also arrange a quiet time to discuss questions you want to raise.
Here are ten questions you can ask when you visit prospective childcarers:

how long have you been working with children?
have you done any training?
do you like this job? why?
what other children will be with my child? (for nurseries and playgroups: do you operate a keyworker scheme?)
how do you spend the day and how will the other children’s schedules fit with my child?
where will my child rest?
do you make outside visits and trips? where to?
what sorts of meals do you give the children?
can I see your registration certificate? (nannies are not registered)
do you keep records about the children’s progress? and how will we exchange information and communicate?

Other watch points:
Do

ask for at least two references from other parents and follow them up
prepare questions for your visit
organise a settling in period for your child before you go back to work
encourage your home-based carer to start a network of friends with children
equip a nanny to provide interesting play for the child - sand, paint, clay or dough and aprons for her and the child and show her local parks and children’s services
express your appreciation to your child’s carers
investigate further if your child appears unhappy with her childcarer or if she is not thriving. Acknowledge her feelings and seek advice from the childcarer or your health visitor or Under Eights Advisor in the local authority.
Don’t
forget looking after your child is a demanding and vitally important job
ignore a child’s difficulties if she seems unhappy
skimp on pay and conditions if you want to hold on to your nanny or childminder
For more information see The Daycare Trust website.
For information about childcare in your area see Childcare Link website.

Chat about choosing childcare on the Working Mums messageboard.