Toilet training Tips - NCT Leaflet available
This was a really helpful article, have a read.
To help your child reach the nappy free zone, you have to steer them through the potty training phase. Coram Family offer guidance.
At the outset, it’s the adults who want to start toilet training. From the perspective of young children, having grown-ups deal with their nappies is a fine system. It’s worked very well so far, so why does mum or dad want to change it? It’s important to realise that children are tackling a tough task, when it comes to controlling their bladder, so give lots of encouragement and have loads of patience.
So when are young children ready to start using a potty?
- Your child needs to recognise what has happened when they wet or fill their nappy. They will often show signs of being uncomfortable or even tell you.
- Don’t expect this to happen before they’re 18 months old. Many children won’t reach this stage until after their second birthday. On average, girls are ready a little earlier than boys, but do go by what your child can manage and understand, not just the age in months. If your child was premature at birth or has suffered from prolonged illness or disability, you will need to wait a bit longer.
- Your child also needs to understand simple requests, so the new idea of ‘Let’s sit you on your pot’ can make sense. Toddlers approaching two can also play simple pretend games, and this shows that they can imagine and think ahead a little.
It’s unwise to rush your child for your own sake. Yes, it would be so useful to have your older one toilet trained before the new baby is born. But if they’re not ready, then your efforts will be pointless, and life could become even more fraught when your baby arrives.
How long will it take?
You do hear tales of the wonder tot who was toilet trained in two days flat, but this is as unusual as the wonder baby who never woke at night. Realistically, it will be a matter of months to make the transition from a child in nappies, to one who gets to the loo without reminders and accidents. But you will have many smaller successes along the way.
How do you do it?
- When it looks as if your child is ready, put a pot in the bathroom and encourage your child to try it out for short periods of time.
- Pots aren’t compulsory. Some children like to sit on the toilet from the beginning. You will need a child seat to set within the ordinary toilet seat, and a safe step for them to get up.
- Encourage your child to sit on the pot, or the toilet, several times a day, but for short periods of time. Avoid any pressure on your child. If your child is lucky and gets something in the pot, then say: ‘Well done, you’ve done a pee’. If not, fair enough.
- If after a week or so, your child still isn’t keen, then stop. You will get nowhere if early toilet training becomes a battle of wills. Leave it for a few weeks, and then try again.
- Decide what you’re going to call these pot productions. Most parents say some version of ‘pee’ and ‘poo’ that young children then use themselves. Just bear in mind that your child will use the family words at top volume. You may use words like ‘going for a crap’ or ‘piss’ in robust adult company, but do you want this broadcast around your local supermarket?
- With practice over the weeks, your child will start to recognise not just that she’s done a pee or poo, but that she is about to do something. She starts to recognise the physical sensations that something is on the way.
- It’s wise to keep your encouragement to warm words and smiles. If it seems a long haul, it can be tempting to reward success with sweets or biscuits but this tactic undermines a balanced diet for your child, and then you have the problem of fading away the sweets later.
When your child is happy to cooperate, and is getting a fair amount into the pot, it’s time to take the risky step of trying your child with ‘big’ boy or girl pants, and no nappy. Have a chat and explain what you’re doing. Perhaps go out together and let your child choose the pants.
Nowadays, parents have the halfway house option of disposable trainer pants. These may be useful if you are going somewhere that will not tolerate accidents, but they are a temporary measure. Your child needs to move into proper pants to be fully toilet trained.
- Once the nappy is off, it’s up to you to remind your child to sit on the pot or toilet at regular intervals. This means about every couple of hours; more often, if you have an enthusiastic drinker.
- For most young children, there is a very short time gap between recognising they want to pee and it being too late.
- Keep your child company and be pleased about successes, without going right over the top.
- Many children find it easier to become toilet trained for bowel movements. They may only want a poo once or twice a day, and some young children become regular about when it happens.
- Do your level best to keep calm about the inevitable accidents. Point out that your child needs to have her pants changed. But avoid any sense that she is dirty or naughty – she’s not, she’s just had an accident.
- Admittedly, summertime toilet training feels more relaxed, especially if you have a garden and nappyless children can run about outside. Young children take time to get the hang of it all, so there will be wet pants and wet floors along the way.
Helping your child to be self-reliant
Potty training can sometimes be a case of one step forward and two steps back, but keep up with the ‘well done’ and gentle reminders, even when your child seems to have completed toilet training. Two, three and four year olds, who are involved in play, may ignore the physical sensations that tell them they should head for the toilet. You also need to become an expert toilet finder when you are out and about. Young children have limited ability to hold on – a bit like pregnant women really.
Once children are reliably toilet trained, you also share some of the responsibility for hygiene. Children need help with wiping their bottom, until they’re three or four years old. Show them how and explain to little girls that they need to wipe from front to back (otherwise they risk vaginal infections such as thrush). Do get them into the important habit of hand washing.
Little boys also need to learn to stand up for a ‘big boy pee’. Wait until your son is tall enough, with the help of a secure step if need be, to position his penis over the toilet. Your son will probably be at least three, and maybe four years old, before this is feasible. He also needs to focus on what he’s doing; keen conversationalists tend to wave it around.
Take your time with your child over the whole process and don’t expect too much; learning to be dry at night, for instance, is a later development for children than daytime control. The pattern is also very individual – see
Dry at night.
Heather Welford’s booklet, ‘The National Childbirth Trust Book of Potty Training’ is available through The NCT, and more useful information, is available from The Enuresis Resource and Information Centre - ERIC: 34 Old School House, Britannia Road, Kingswood, Bristol BS15 8DB, tel: 0117 960 3060.