Baby Angels Blog

Saw this on the web, top reading.

My daughter will soon be three years old. She seems to have regressed lately. She has become clingy and fearful. How can we discourage this babyish behaviour and help her to be the happy, daring, outgoing big girl she seemed to be growing into a few months ago when she was potty trained and gave up her bottle?

You clearly have a preference for seeing your daughter as more outgoing and daring than she apparently feels like being right now. While controlling her bodily functions was a big step in her development, simultaneously relinquishing her bottle may have made her anxious.When children take a large developmental step, such as becoming potty trained, they often initially need an extra dose of comfort and support. One step at a time is a good policy, and she is still very young.

Giving up the bottle, with which she was able to soothe herself, cuts off a path to comfort at a time when she has challenged herself the most.

Regression is natural and serves to help a child adjust to a new level of development. For example, a four-year-old will temporarily enjoy a bottle for a few weeks when a new baby arrives. Or a child who has just mastered reading will want to return to an earlier mastered activity, such as riding a tricycle.

Your daughter is clearly giving you the message to slow down the push towards being a ‘big girl’.

Have a think about events surrounding this return to ‘babyish’ behaviour. Has anything made her anxious? Has she started nursery school, or have you had a new baby or gone back to work? Even quite small changes in routine can have this effect on a small child.

If you find you place value independence, you are not alone. Our culture is behind you, often at the cost of ignoring essential emotional needs. This emphasis on autonomy also results in anxiety and depressive disorders, which can stem, in part, from early shame and disapproval of our ‘babyish’ needs for help and reassurance. These are needs we never entirely outgrow.

I recommend that you indulge, rather than criticise your child’s needs. She is not being babyish, she is just being two. Allow her to use a bottle if she wants to and even play at being a baby for 10 or 15 minutes each day. Hold her in your lap, rock her and make it into a game she can choose to play if she wants.

All of us love to be cared for, and your daughter is no different. If you give her the opportunity to pretend to be a baby, she will let go when she is ready. You may be amazed at how much a three-year-old can enjoy this game, because you are making room for all of her conflicting feelings.

Remember that she won’t be anything like a baby for much longer now. Enjoy your hugs and cuddles, and don’t try to rush her through her childhood. You might find you miss it when it has passed.